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My artwork is changing and I'm here for it

To say Covid hasn’t impacted my work would be an understatement. I feel so fortunate and grateful to have had such a great 2020. I sold over 400 pieces of artwork all around the world. I started writing a book all about how to be wealthy while following your passion and discovering your artistry. I believe the world would be a better place if we all learned how to connect with our passion and let it fuel our lives. We would become the ultimate creators of our lives and our artwork is a mere reflection of deliberate manifestation.

While during the height of the pandemic, I also purchased my first home. I moved out of Vancouver and up the sea to sky corridor, and I built my own studio in my backyard. Moving to a quiet town has brought up its own challenges and bliss.

I like the city, and I would define myself as a city girl. I loved living in New York, I love travelling, one of my favourite places in the world is Hong Kong. I eat up the diversity in culture, food and events happening around town.

I didn’t realize how necessary it was to have space in my life. I struggled with slowing down, and feeling “bored”. While I was grateful to own my own home, and live right beside the trail heads and have a backyard to enjoy the outdoors, I couldn’t help but feel an underlying tension in my life. I tried to resist looking at it square in the eye, but it wouldn’t budge. It was almost as if I had hit gold, but I couldn’t see the blessing. I saw how easily I ran away from the undercurrent that kept me second guessing myself.

While I live and breathe the work of self development, consciousness, wisdom and I incorporate it into my artwork - slowing down as magnified this and it has shown me the dark side of the moon. The benefit of lockdown and living in a small town is the lack of distractions and while going into nature has become a daily routine - it has also been my medicine.

Sitting by my wood stove every morning in the darkness and practicing my automatic writing has uncovered disdain I held within. Slowing down has allowed me to access unhealed parts of my personality and soul that have to be acknowledged. It is essential for me to continue to transform my life and connect me and my artwork toward what I want to accomplish - like having my artwork displayed in the Louvre, and being alive to see it. That means creating work differently. That means taking risks, painting from my emotions and doing it for me, nobody else.

So, I saw how being a twin and fighting for space in the utero, growing up as a child of three kids all under the age of a year and a half had its challenges, for my mother and father - I’m sure, and myself. I am seeing for the first time how I feel like I have to fight to be seen. I have to constantly push, force, and work my ass off, to get anywhere I want to be. While I practice law of attraction and believe in it wholeheartedly, I was contradicting my belief system by allowing this inner child of mine who felt they had to fatigue their adrenals in order to have and receive love, compassion, acknowledgement without causing a scene. This would normally blow up any momentum I built in my career. She would evidently find a way to throw me off course and start from the bottom, yet again.

In the background of my life, has been me, a three year old, fighting for an ounce of love and acknowledgement, but the catch is that only I can give it to her - nobody else has the power to because that doesn’t quench the thirst.

While the discomfort feels intense, it is also changing my artwork. I cannot deny how I have been painting inside the lines and conforming myself to boxes of colour. It’s not to say that it isn’t me, and an expression of my soul, but I have ignored the inner child within me, who wants to be bold, experiment, take risks and create without expectation.

So, while I have been hunkering down during the winter months in BC, enjoying the snow, and my slow mornings in the darkness by my wood stove, I feel vulnerable, afraid, uncertain, embarrassed, and even a little humiliated. The work is not to judge the fact I have ignored myself, but to be open and recognize had I not slowed down, I would not have the chance to listen to myself, to express who I am freely without having to push, force or try to be seen, but rather create an environment for myself to feel my best and allow a different energies to grasp ahold of my paintbrush and create art - that is truly art.

Simultaneously while all this has been playing in the background, I have also been deeply committed to shamanic journeying everyday. I place blankets, pillows and a makeshift eye mask and I play sacred drumming, light a candle and set out an offering for my ancestors to come and provide healing medicine through the form of energy transmutation and clairvoyance. I lie down for about thirty minutes and I receive a shift of energy, inspiration for new pieces but most importantly answers to the underlying questions that play rhetorically in my mind about myself, and about the world. Had I not done this, I don’t think I would feel an ounce of willingness to step forward and let you all know that my work is changing. I would have preferred to hide and paint like a robot. The fact of the matter is, there is not the same amount of feeling in each brushstroke if I continue to ignore the inner workings of my inner child.

My business has also changed, I let go of my coaching client base - wow that was scary!


I couldn’t ignore the guidance I received to focus on my artwork and with serious committed creative entrepreneurs who are willing to do whatever it takes to find their success off their creative services. I am humbly levelling up, and I’m asking my new clients to do the same.

I also launched online courses for you to re-spark your creativity and practice accessing your intuition through playfully using artwork as your medium to learn more about yourself. All levels are welcome.


I hope to have some pieces to show you soon, and know that until then I am, creating pieces that are more authentically me. Thank-you for supporting me on my journey!
Much love,
Tori

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