Exploring new alleyways in Bangkok.
The moment Sam and I stepped outside the airport we both had a massive sigh of relief. We looked at each other with knowing smiles. We felt the same thing.
OUR DRIVE TO THE AIRBNB IN BANG RAK WAS FILLED WITH GIGGLES, SMILES, AND EXCHANGES OF STORIES OF ASIA. SOME OF OUR FAVOURITE STORIES INCLUDED THE CHAOS AND YET THIS SYSTEM BEHIND THE CURTAIN THAT SOMEHOW MAKES SENSE.
This trip feels particularly special to me, because I get to spend it with Sam, who grew up in Malaysia and South East Asia for 15 years. He's spent the majority of his life here, so to him, this feels like coming home.
For me, well, I was here 6 years ago with my best friends and sister. We were 20 years old, and still discovering ourselves. We backpacked around the typical loop of Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Philippines for about 3 months in 2012, on a shoe string. Exploring the highlights of Asia is a little different when you have more than a $1 budget set aside for dinner each night.
COMING BACK TO ASIA, WAS LIKE GOING BACK TO NEW YORK FOR THE FIRST TIME. I'M A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON, SAME STOMPING GROUND, BUT MORE GROUNDED WITH A CLEAR IDEA OF WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT. JUST LIKE NEW YORK, SOUTH EAST ASIA WAS THE TIPPING POINT OF MY EATING DISORDER. THIS IS WHERE IT STARTED TO SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL - TO THE POINT WHERE I LITERALLY ALIENATED MYSELF FROM MY TRIBE. LOCKING MYSELF IN MY ROOM IN THE THAI ISLANDS, DEPRESSED, HEART BROKEN, AND COULDN'T BRING MYSELF OUT OF THE SLUM THAT NOT ONLY RUINED THE END OF MY TRIP BUT MY TRIBE WHOM I WAS BACKPACKING WITH. NEVERTHELESS, I HAVE COUNTLESS OF AMAZING MEMORIES WHICH WE LOOK BACK UPON FONDLY.
Isn't it funny how the good memories always seems to out weigh the bad?
Sam waiting for the royal family in Chinatown for Chinese New Year in Bangkok
So the minute I stepped outside of the airport and smelled that juicy wave of warm garbage I knew I was home (warm garbage has become a nostalgic because wherever I am, it reminds me of Bangkok and it makes me smile). Tears welled in my eyes because I missed my girl tribe and those moments yet overjoyed to share this new experience with my boyfriend.
I can't pinpoint this feeling; and I'm sure you can relate. There are places in the world which we cannot even begin to describe our energetic pull towards these places which we interpret as magical. Places that just seem to get us, without trying. Nothing feels like home, until you've been there. Sometimes this means we've spent pass lives in these places, sometimes it's just places we have visited and grew a lot as an individual in that country. Thailand specifically is like an old friend with a warm blanket who was expecting my return that only 'took long enough'.
Sometimes we feel so energetically drawn to certain places which we have never visited before. I personally have a strong pull to go to Egypt and Jerusalem. I'll eventually get there, when the time is right. Pay close attention to those places - it's not always a coincidence why we we want to go there and experience life outside of what we know.
Bangkok is only meant to be our layover hub, and we're rethinking how much time we're going to spend here. Our plan is to head to Sri Lanka, and come back to South East Asia for a bit before heading over to Mexico and Colombia, maybe Brazil. We'll be gone for a total of 6 weeks.
Picking Up Changs from the local 711 stores walking around with Sam's old friends from Kuala Lumpur.
Sam and I have decided to try out remote work/living. He's starting a new job when he returns, and I'm bringing my artwork on the road.
I HAD A LOT OF DOUBTS LEAVING VANCOUVER TO PURSUE THIS DREAM AKA THIS TEST RUN. WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT DOING THIS SINCE WE MET 2.5 YEARS AGO, AND WE HAVE PLANS TO CONTINUE THIS FOREVER, MAYBE.
The thoughts that cloud my vision is my focus on money. Having hired a coach to help me work through my old belief patterns and channel a positive law of attraction with finances, I'm starting to dig up some nasty conversations I've been having with myself in the closet, for far too long.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY MIND BLOWING THE WAY WE SPEAK TO OURSELVES, AND THE WAY WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO NATURALLY THINK NEGATIVELY, WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT. MY BIGGEST LEARNING SO FAR IS THAT THE UNIVERSE WILL ANSWER YOUR CALL. DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THAT CALL IS - IT COULD BE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OF THIS OR I'M FEARFUL OF THAT - IT'LL ANSWER THAT CALL.
Now don't get hasty. It's simply observing our thought patterns and rewiring the way we think and speak and project. Being aware of the thoughts our ego jumps to for satisfaction and comfort in times of feeling out of the box.
So, mine starts with money. I'm allowing myself to be abundant, and be worthy of wealth. We are all beings of the divine and it's our natural right to be wealthy and pursue our desires. You can have it all, and yet we are told we cannot, or that's what we tell ourselves.
What do you think? Can have what we truly and deeply desire, including being wealthy? Are you afraid it's coming off as greedy?
YOU'RE NOT GREEDY, AND MONEY IS JUST ENERGY.
Now it's easy for me to preach this over a blog post, and it's taken me a month to even start to overcome some hurdles. One of those hurdles is actually trusting that the universe will take care of me, allow me to travel, work, and save altogether.
The line ups were huge for Chinese New Year
I FIND MYSELF SPIRALLING DOWN, WHAT REALLY HELPS ME IS A TRICK MY COACH TAUGHT ME. ALL I NEED TO REMEMBER IN THOSE MOMENTS ARE TO SLOW IT DOWN, LOOK AT MY FEET AND GROUND MYSELF. LOOK AT THE WAY MY FEET ARE PLANTED ON THE FLOOR - NATURALLY I AM GROUNDED.
If this doesn't catch me, I open my arms and open my heart and say "I trust the universe" and feel as though I'm falling into the Universe's arms in a warm hug. I also take a few deep breaths and repeat my mantras to myself, I am abundant, I am worthy, I am the divine (the divine being source, universe, god, whatever your beliefs are).
We are such privileged beings and our minds are so powerful and yet we let them in the way of what our hearts seek. Trust your initial instincts and what you want/want to accomplish - it's your divine right and purpose. You did not create them, they were yours before you were brought onto this earth.
- writing you from Bangkok.